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Apple, Peaches, Pumkin Pie…Whose Not Ready Holler I

All We Need Is A Can

Remember when you could get together with five or ten of your childhood friends, who all lived in the same neighborhood, and play kick the can? Since everyone ate canned food, especially spinach, empty cans were always available. The game was simple. You place the can on a flat surface; the grass, a flat stone surface, the sidewalk or where ever you had a clear path to the can.  Everyone would hide except one person.( kind of like hide and seek). The lone looker would try to find those that were hiding but always keeping the can in sight. When someone would break from their hiding place the goal of that person would be to run as fast as they could and get to the can and kick it before the lone looker could tag them with his or her hand. If the can was kicked, the lone looker would have to hide and the successful can kicker would take their place. And on it was played. Kind of like Worlds of Warcraft without the game console, computer, internet connection, mouse for PC play and the cost of playing on line. Other than that….it was about the same.

Call Of Duty ( kind of )

Playing Cowboys and Indians was a popular non-contact sport for many of us in those days of black and white TV. Because we never had enough money to buy toy guns or bows and arrows, we made our weapons out of wood or just held a stick and pretended it was a rifle. The real problem was that every body wanted to be a cowboy since we all knew from watching all the black and white westerns that the Indians always lost. Of course that issue became more complicated when the Lone Ranger came onto the scene. Having an Indian side kick named Tonto didn’t help our situation. Still, those playing the cowboys always ended up wining the battle…sorry Tonto.

Superman Where Are You Now

Interesting that we all read comic books back in the day ( while the earth’s crust was still cooling ) and never really connected with all the super hero’s that now exist in every aspect of the media. But we did have the man of steel, Superman.  After all, there was nothing he couldn’t do. Fly faster than the speed of sound, more powerful than a locomotive ( that really isn’t that powerful in the scheme of things today), able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Look, up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s Superman. I never thought about this then, but if he could fly faster than the speed of sound why would he have to leap at all?  And how difficult was it really to distinguish a bird from a plane?  But he was our hero.

Herbivorous Boys

Don’t pass up the grass

Herbivores; frugal, celibate, walkers and grazers. The Herbivorous boys of Japan are grass-eating men who shun sex, don’t spend money and like taking walks. At first blush one would think these young men are gay…but that is not the case. Although I could see how difficult it would be to attract someone of the opposite sex if your first date included being pulled in a red wagon down to the pasture and munching on grass. I am all for side-stepping this fast paced crazy world once in a while, but riding in a red wagon just doesn’t do it for me.

The Japanese are somewhat concerned as this obsession is spreading rapidly throughout the entire country and this phenomenon brings with it two major challenges. First, there are not enough births to make up for the death rate in Japan and secondly, young men not buying any iPods, smart phones or cars tends to stall an already anemic economic engine. So no sex and no driving by the male population of a country can lead to its demise….  Although walking and riding in wagons does make for a cleaner planet.

Fat people weigh on my mind

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have the ever growing ( and I mean this literally) weight problem with the younger generation.  The lack of overall exercise, other than the use of their opposing thumbs for texting, is one of the major reasons for this life-shortening epidemic. Why go out and play on some dirty ground and get hot and sweaty when you can plug into your Xbox, Play Station or Kinnect game and play in any world anywhere with anyone you want to. No sweat, no dirt, no effort…unless you are playing Wii Sports…and nobody plays that anymore.

The other reason for the major weight gain in young children is the quantity and quality of the food they shove into their mouths. This is mostly due to fast food establishments that are frequented by this excess adipose group. I used to think fast food meant get in get out fast. Well is still does but the other part of fast food is the speed in which the humongous amounts of fat calories enlarge your entire body. I am concerned….mostly because I need this younger generation to stay alive long enough to pay into the Social Security system so I keep getting my checks.

If this is Heaven call my insurance company

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in Heaven. They are all asked, “When your are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first man says, “I would like hear them say I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.” The second man says, “I would like to hear them say I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.” The third man replies, ” I would like to hear them say…..Look, He’s Moving!”

White Kids Without iPads

 

Where is the Charity?

Watching some of those commercials on TV about children living in poverty or some war torn third world nation pulls at your heart strings. These charitable foundations that produce the commercials are counting on that “emotional” tug to get you to write that check to help out those less fortunate than you. And it doesn’t have to be for children. Animals, specifically dogs and cats that are abused, mistreated or left in shelters where you know they will eventually be euthanized, can evoke gut wrenching emotions from the billions of animal lovers. But in my mind nothing compares to the plight of…  White Kids Without iPads.

You see it on every playground, in the malls, in the libraries, in the classrooms on the bus and subway and riding in the back of the family van. Kids with that far away blank look. Holding onto some ancient relic of a cell phone that perhaps only ( wait for it ) sends and receives phone calls…no text. Yes, I know. Brutal, sadistic and some would call it inhuman…those poor white kids without an iPad. It boggles the mind. Where are their parents?  Where is their dual core processor heart?

Till death do us part

Remember when men and women of all ages would walk hand-in-hand everywhere they went. You just don’t see that happening as much anymore and for good reason. It is difficult to hold hands while holding your iPhone or Android smart phone and texting or using the latest App. Sure your partner may inadvertently grab for your free hand but that urge to keep it available for the next Facebook post, or to respond to a tweet or watch your friends cat do something funny on YouTube, is always there. It is almost palpable. And besides, sometimes you need the other hand to hold your iPad.

I recently wrote a blog that asked the question, “Would you exist if there were no Facebook or Twitter or the other social media forums or if you had no hand held digital devices like smart phones or tablets?” The responses were astonishing. One would have thought I asked them if they wanted to be locked up in prison for the rest of their lives. Is it possible we have become so attached to these “instant messaging” machines that any type of human contact is no longer necessary? Is there an App for that?

Ask me no questions I’ll tell you no lies

Siri is the latest addition to the iPhone 4S. Push the microphone icon on the bottom of the iPhone and ask it anything….I mean anything and it will either provide you with an answer or give you an appropriate response.  Google (Android) is working on their version and it will be available soon. Of course, this new feature eliminates using your fingers to type in a search term on the best available browser app on your iPhone. It also means you can now have one hand free to do anything you want….even hold hands with your phone mate.

Into The Leaden Sky

 

It’s not the heat, its the inhumanity

What’s say you?  Do you care about your fellow man or woman? Do you watch the killing of innocent people trying to change their ruthless governments genocidal ambitions on your  TV and wonder….”why don’t those people just revolt and take over their government or call the national guard or send a letter to Oprah and …hey how come my iPhone isn’t working again?”  Is this you? Why don’t more people get up and go over to those countries to try to help their fellow man?

Do you have any of the photos of young children with blood on their clothes standing next to dead children in the street on Pinterest…the latest and greatest social media toy? Do you? Why not? Don’t you want to share the truth along with the fiction? Maybe you could post some of those photos on Facebook or Google + and get your friends to “like” them. If these people who are suffering are not our brothers and sisters… then who are they?

 Malice through the looking glass

As a scuba diver one gets used to the fact that when wearing a dive mask underwater objects appear closer than they really are. It’s not unusual to grab for the ladder that is suspended down into the water from the back of the dive boat to pull yourself up only to find you missed it by four inches. You have to adjust for that. Sometimes when I am watching the political debates on TV I get the impression I am still wearing my dive mask.

We all know that the process of politics is ugly, deals mostly in half-truths and deception. Yet we continue to grab for the truth when in fact it is not in reach. Why do we believe ( or even consider the rhetoric ) that is stated during these debates? Certainly we have the tools to vet all the statements that are made by the politicos. Do we see only what we want to see? Do we hear only what we want to hear?  Are you wearing your dive mask when you watch these creatures?

Ben Dover

Of all the “isms” in the world cynicism may be the most prolific. Cynicism refers to the beliefs of an ancient school of Greek philosophers known as Cynics. They believed that the world belonged equally to everyone, and that suffering was caused by false judgments of what was valuable and by the worthless customs and conventions which surrounded society. Do you believe everyone has an equal share in the world? Or do you believe in I’ve got mine now you get yours?

Parents often find that getting their 2 and 3 year old’s to share is the most challenging issue. Even before reason sets in we are geared toward collection rather than acceptance. So if sharing is a learned trait, then one must be a cynic to perpetuate that process. Right?  Somehow in your mind that premise probably seems counter intuitive. Maybe we just don’t have the ability to grasp the obvious.

 

 

All The Way Inn

What’s In A Name

When I was about five years old my Father and Mother were considering getting into the Motel business. This would have been in the very early 50’s so the timing would have been perfect. The new interstate highway system was being built and people were traveling everywhere by car. Unfortunately they never pursued this idea. Too bad, because my father was a good businessman and we would probably have had a chain of Motels slung across the U.S. by now.

At any rate I always thought that if I were to build a Motel or Hotel it would be great to use the name, “All The Way Inn.”  I think the name would stick and people would laugh or give that look of condemnation as they passed the billboards on the highway with the name  printed in big letters…and maybe even a logo. Hmm..I wonder what that would look like?

The Quo With the Quay With the Quivey

I am a big Jerry Lewis fan. I know, many of you probably thought he is more of a slap stick comedian but I always liked his goofy humor. When he did the Tonight show, many years ago when there were just three Networks and Fox was a kid, Jerry had developed this 10 part mnemonic phrasing that he challenged his guests to repeat by hearing it only one time. For some reason I was fascinated by this.  Of course, I am also fascinated at the food dance my Chihuahua does every time I give him a treat. But that is another story.

At any rate, my point is you just don’t see that kind of smart word play anymore when someone is being interviewed on set. I thought I would see more smart word interplay when the politicians started debating each other this year.  But that hasn’t materialized yet…and I don’t expect it to either. Jerry’s mnemonic may be strange but it makes more sense than some of the stuff coming over air waves these days.

My Aphrodisiac Has A First Name

They say imitation is the kindest form of flattery. I thought using a “take off” of the popular Oscar Meyer bologna song for another product would be funny and catchy. The more unusual the product the more clever you can become in penning the words to your new jingle. The possibilities are endless….and you can record it at home and put it on YouTube. It’s kind of the same way Weird Al Yankovic translates new verbiage into iconic tunes.

Come on…you can do it.


About

Don Musilli started his journey as an entrepreneur and businessman. He surveyed the sky above as a private pilot and explored the sea below as a scuba diver. He looked at the future through the words of Asimov, Clark, Heinlein, Herbert and Ellison; learned a new way to write technical blogs and make them readable… and then created LiteWorld, a blog-novella.

LitePapr is a different perspective. Stay with me on the journey.
dmusilli@litepapr.com