Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Herbivorous Boys

Don’t pass up the grass

Herbivores; frugal, celibate, walkers and grazers. The Herbivorous boys of Japan are grass-eating men who shun sex, don’t spend money and like taking walks. At first blush one would think these young men are gay…but that is not the case. Although I could see how difficult it would be to attract someone of the opposite sex if your first date included being pulled in a red wagon down to the pasture and munching on grass. I am all for side-stepping this fast paced crazy world once in a while, but riding in a red wagon just doesn’t do it for me.

The Japanese are somewhat concerned as this obsession is spreading rapidly throughout the entire country and this phenomenon brings with it two major challenges. First, there are not enough births to make up for the death rate in Japan and secondly, young men not buying any iPods, smart phones or cars tends to stall an already anemic economic engine. So no sex and no driving by the male population of a country can lead to its demise….  Although walking and riding in wagons does make for a cleaner planet.

Fat people weigh on my mind

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have the ever growing ( and I mean this literally) weight problem with the younger generation.  The lack of overall exercise, other than the use of their opposing thumbs for texting, is one of the major reasons for this life-shortening epidemic. Why go out and play on some dirty ground and get hot and sweaty when you can plug into your Xbox, Play Station or Kinnect game and play in any world anywhere with anyone you want to. No sweat, no dirt, no effort…unless you are playing Wii Sports…and nobody plays that anymore.

The other reason for the major weight gain in young children is the quantity and quality of the food they shove into their mouths. This is mostly due to fast food establishments that are frequented by this excess adipose group. I used to think fast food meant get in get out fast. Well is still does but the other part of fast food is the speed in which the humongous amounts of fat calories enlarge your entire body. I am concerned….mostly because I need this younger generation to stay alive long enough to pay into the Social Security system so I keep getting my checks.

If this is Heaven call my insurance company

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in Heaven. They are all asked, “When your are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first man says, “I would like hear them say I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.” The second man says, “I would like to hear them say I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.” The third man replies, ” I would like to hear them say…..Look, He’s Moving!”

Embraceable Ewe

Love on the lamb

I think we all remember the first time we made  love to that special person. Anxiety mixed with excitement…and anticipation of what you hoped would be a wonderful experience for both of you. I was telling one of my friends just the other day that I remembered my first experience like it was yesterday. He asked me if I would tell him about it and I told him sure. So here it is.

The hills outside the town we lived in overlooked a small lake. My date had expressed an interest one evening  in climbing one of the hills and meandering through the tall grass. The sky was perfectly clear, the stars were out and the moon was almost full. Her shadow cast upon the ground posed a perfect image of her body. You could tell it was going to be one of those special nights.

The tall grass made a perfect bed. The warm air of the evening  passed over our bodies and added to the moment. I knew this was not her first time.. but it was mine. I only hoped she wouldn’t notice my novice approach.  It didn’t last long but it was sweet. We sat there for a while looking into each others eyes after it was over and then I heard a noise coming from behind me. It was her father…walking slowly up the hill with that look in his eyes that told me he saw everything.

My friends eyes were wide open along with his mouth…”What happened…did he say anything?”  I looked at my friend with a shameful look on my face and said..”Yes..he walked right up to me and said…..BAAAAA.”

My friend had this incredulous look on his face..and then I said…….”Gotcha!” He started to laugh, “Man, you had me going there for a second.”  I looked at him and then replied.  “It’s  funny to see the expression on peoples faces…like yours. I can imagine people visualizing the event. But that  would never happen to me  in my life time…and besides, wool makes me itch.”

 Just one black sheep

Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary living with a tribe of black natives.One day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into his hut, where he was sharpening his big axe. He explains to the white man that his daughter has just given birth to a white baby, and that since the missionary’s the only white man for thousands of miles, the missionary will be the “main course” at dinner that night.”Now just hang on a minute, give me a chance to explain, chief,” says the Missionary. “You’re jumping to conclusions here. Let me tell you a story. See all those white sheep out in the field… and how there’s one black one amongst them?”

The Chief thinks for a moment. “OK!” says the Chief, “You say nothing, I say nothing.”

About

Don Musilli started his journey as an entrepreneur and businessman. He surveyed the sky above as a private pilot and explored the sea below as a scuba diver. He looked at the future through the words of Asimov, Clark, Heinlein, Herbert and Ellison; learned a new way to write technical blogs and make them readable… and then created LiteWorld, a blog-novella.

LitePapr is a different perspective. Stay with me on the journey.
dmusilli@litepapr.com